Jan
Building better men
Let’s talk about “Nice Guy Syndrome”
“Nice Guy Syndrome” is a term used around the internet to describe men who believe they are entitled to women because they’re “nice guys”. Basically, a Nice Guy is a man who is convinced that he is not OK, just as he is. Therefore, he must become what he thinks others want him to be in order to be seen, loved, and get his need met. Men with Nice Guy syndrome likes to think that behaving kindly earns them a gold star.
Perhaps you introduce yourself as a ‘nice guy’ to strangers and you’re genuinely kind. But there are different ‘nice guys’ out there whose ‘nice deeds’ are not for ‘mahala’ – women always pay the price. This toxic behaviour is nothing we really pay attention to, perhaps the traits below sound familiar:
- I was there for you when no one was around, I expect you to jump whenever I say so.
- I respected your “90-day rule” so you can’t deny me sex
- I threw you a surprise party, I should be getting all your attention.
- I paid for your expenses now I own you
There are thousands of examples to describe this entitlement behaviour. It’s ridiculous that there are guys who collects kindness points that then add up to sex or dating. Self-described “nice guys” might claim that being nice entitles them (everything) to a relationship, but true kindness is given without expectations. Keep it in mind, not all nice guys have a sinister side to their kindness – I’m talking about the guys who barely preach how ‘good’ they are.
Men with Nice Guy syndrome hardly do anything in the name of ‘ubuntu’ – there’s always an agenda. These men have no clue about consent and respects no boundaries. It’s the same men who buy their mates alcohol with no intentions of taking them home for sex but demand it to women. The real nice guys are those who treat people nicely without expecting any credit in return. Bro, you’re not the exception for being nice – make your intentions clear from the start and if they aren’t returned, don’t wait around.
Perhaps it’s time we teach young boys about consent, harassment and how to handle rejection. Whoever made a ‘friend zone’ an unmanly and uncool position to be in should pay more tax. Seriously, what’s the logic there? Friend zone isn’t a prison and it doesn’t mean you lack anything as a man. If a woman can only offer nothing but friendship, you have a choice to decline. Bro, sometimes a woman isn’t playing ‘hard-to-get’ – just respect the boundaries.
As men we need to ditch the “I take what’s mine” mentality and learn to be in relationships with no ownership. The world needs more genuine “nice guys” where women will feel safe around.
Let us know in the comments if you think you have ‘nice guy syndrome’
Read our other building better men articles here
I don’t pretend to be something I’m not, people should love you the way you are with all your fault. I don’t change myself because I’m trying to impress someone.
True story
Just because you think you are nice doesn’t mean that everything you do is nice. See? Men have a problem and yes women have problems too but as gents what are we doing that’s so right; it takes a village and unless such syndromes are dealt with and conversations are held in order to fix things then nothing changes.
So much truth in this… Love it.
This is so true, I think women should also do research even to nice guys because hey you may never know.
True Story , we need to respect the boundaries ..
I am none of this nice guy. I am very true and original in my own unique way. I present myself fair and straight everytime, without fear or favor. Whoever doesn’t approve, will have to adjust or let me be. Simple as that. 👌👌👌
It’s like an unspoken topic; this is so true and we genuinely can learn so much from this.
The truth in this
This is soo true hey