Let’s talk about “Nice Guy Syndrome”

“Nice Guy Syndrome” is a term used around the internet to describe men who believe they are entitled to women because they’re “nice guys”. Basically, a Nice Guy is a man who is convinced that he is not OK, just as he is. Therefore, he must become what he thinks others want him to be in order to be seen, loved, and get his need met. Men with Nice Guy syndrome likes to think that behaving kindly earns them a gold star.

Perhaps you introduce yourself as a ‘nice guy’ to strangers and you’re genuinely kind. But there are different ‘nice guys’ out there whose ‘nice deeds’ are not for ‘mahala’ – women always pay the price. This toxic behaviour is nothing we really pay attention to, perhaps the traits below sound familiar:

• I was there for you when no one was around, I expect you to jump whenever I say so.
• I respected your “90-day rule” so you can’t deny me sex
• I threw you a surprise party, I should be getting all your attention.
• I paid for your expenses now I own you

There are thousands of examples to describe this entitlement behaviour. It’s ridiculous that there are guys who collects kindness points that then add up to sex or dating. Self-described “nice guys” might claim that being nice entitles them (everything) to a relationship, but true kindness is given without expectations. Keep it in mind, not all nice guys have a sinister side to their kindness – I’m talking about the guys who barely preach how ‘good’ they are.

Men with Nice Guy syndrome hardly do anything in the name of ‘ubuntu’ – there’s always an agenda. These men have no clue about consent and respects no boundaries. It’s the same men who buy their mates alcohol with no intentions of taking them home for sex but demand it to women. The real nice guys are those who treat people nicely without expecting any credit in return. Bro, you’re not the exception for being nice – make your intentions clear from the start and if they aren’t returned, don’t wait around.

Perhaps it’s time we teach young boys about consent, harassment and how to handle rejection. Whoever made a ‘friend zone’ an unmanly and uncool position to be in should pay more tax. Seriously, what’s the logic there? Friend zone isn’t a prison and it doesn’t mean you lack anything as a man. If a woman can only offer nothing but friendship, you have a choice to decline. Bro, sometimes a woman isn’t playing ‘hard-to-get’ – just respect the boundaries.

As men we need to ditch the “I take what’s mine” mentality and learn to be in relationships with no ownership. The world needs more genuine “nice guys” where women will feel safe around.

Let us know in the comments if you think you have ‘nice guy syndrome’ 

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